Saturday, August 29, 2009
Current Budget vs Groves Budget
I cannot figure out how to post a table without writing code! Suffice to say I have an Excel doc showing the current budget and the proposed budget for the Groves. It will be tight.
More $$ Drama
8/12 Signed papers for Cottages, placed deposits
8/14 Mom requested we cancel Cottages, preferred to move to smaller Groves apt for companionship
8/14 Check for $30 cleared account, overdrawing acct.
8/17 Confirmed Groves efficiency apt would be available for mid-late October
8/19 Mom’s SS check deposited $662
8/20 $500 withdrawn by mom
8/20 NSF fee waived (presumably @ Mom’s request)
8/26 Dad’s SS check deposited $1643
8/26 $900 withdrawn by mom
8/27 I discovered everything when I went to transfer $$. Tried to contact them but was only able to leave voice mails at home and on the cell.
8/28 Made contact with Christine Walther (social worker) to bring her up to date. I finally made contact with them, expecting them to be angry. Instead, they both seemed bewildered about what I was talking about and insisted they had not done anything wrong. Mom kept saying she simply took the money out of the account that was hers, the checking account I set up to deposit her envelope money in. I asked her to come by the next time she was in town and we would go to close her checking account, returning her to the cash envelope system so we could avoid this situation in the future. Called Christine Walther back to update.
8/29 Mom came in this afternoon. I asked her about how the $500 withdrawn on 8/20 was spent. She told me she had deposited $100 into her "debit card account" (the checking account we set up last winter for her). I asked about the other $400 and she said it was for things they had been putting off, but the only thing she could tell me was that they had gotten haircuts. When i pressed her, she seemed to get confused and shut down. We went to the bank. We closed her checking account and transferred the balance to the bill paying account that I control. I reminded her that she needed to function on the cash envelopes from here on out, and she seemed to understand. About 30 minutes later, she called me from the gas station. She was every upset that her debit card wasn't working. I reminded her that we had closed the account, and that she had told me she had enough cash for her envelopes (from all she had withdrawn on the 20th and 26th). She said that she had put $200 for gas into the debit account, and I reminded her that we had transferred that to the bill paying account, but that she had enough cash to go inside and buy a QuikTrip gas card if she preferred. She got frustrated and hung up.
Another part of the conversation (before heading to the bank) was re: the upcoming sale of their property and the realtor I have been working with. She was offended because he had referred to "junk" when talking about her property. She reiterated that she is convinced that "The Gift" is coming BEFORE they move into the Groves, and that it will allow them to fix up the trailer they are living in. I clarified with her that the property DOES need to be put on the market, and that selling it might make it possible to move them into a 1 bedroom unit instead of the efficiency apartment we are planning on (all that they can afford at the moment.) We came to an impasse again about the subject of the gift.
I will talk with an eldercare attorney this next week to investigate the possibility of gaining guardianship.
8/14 Mom requested we cancel Cottages, preferred to move to smaller Groves apt for companionship
8/14 Check for $30 cleared account, overdrawing acct.
8/17 Confirmed Groves efficiency apt would be available for mid-late October
8/19 Mom’s SS check deposited $662
8/20 $500 withdrawn by mom
8/20 NSF fee waived (presumably @ Mom’s request)
8/26 Dad’s SS check deposited $1643
8/26 $900 withdrawn by mom
8/27 I discovered everything when I went to transfer $$. Tried to contact them but was only able to leave voice mails at home and on the cell.
8/28 Made contact with Christine Walther (social worker) to bring her up to date. I finally made contact with them, expecting them to be angry. Instead, they both seemed bewildered about what I was talking about and insisted they had not done anything wrong. Mom kept saying she simply took the money out of the account that was hers, the checking account I set up to deposit her envelope money in. I asked her to come by the next time she was in town and we would go to close her checking account, returning her to the cash envelope system so we could avoid this situation in the future. Called Christine Walther back to update.
8/29 Mom came in this afternoon. I asked her about how the $500 withdrawn on 8/20 was spent. She told me she had deposited $100 into her "debit card account" (the checking account we set up last winter for her). I asked about the other $400 and she said it was for things they had been putting off, but the only thing she could tell me was that they had gotten haircuts. When i pressed her, she seemed to get confused and shut down. We went to the bank. We closed her checking account and transferred the balance to the bill paying account that I control. I reminded her that she needed to function on the cash envelopes from here on out, and she seemed to understand. About 30 minutes later, she called me from the gas station. She was every upset that her debit card wasn't working. I reminded her that we had closed the account, and that she had told me she had enough cash for her envelopes (from all she had withdrawn on the 20th and 26th). She said that she had put $200 for gas into the debit account, and I reminded her that we had transferred that to the bill paying account, but that she had enough cash to go inside and buy a QuikTrip gas card if she preferred. She got frustrated and hung up.
Another part of the conversation (before heading to the bank) was re: the upcoming sale of their property and the realtor I have been working with. She was offended because he had referred to "junk" when talking about her property. She reiterated that she is convinced that "The Gift" is coming BEFORE they move into the Groves, and that it will allow them to fix up the trailer they are living in. I clarified with her that the property DOES need to be put on the market, and that selling it might make it possible to move them into a 1 bedroom unit instead of the efficiency apartment we are planning on (all that they can afford at the moment.) We came to an impasse again about the subject of the gift.
I will talk with an eldercare attorney this next week to investigate the possibility of gaining guardianship.
8/16 Dad urinated in my driveway
Dad & Mom came over so Duane could make repairs on their leaky windshield. Maddy & I were gone shopping (about 5:30 pm) and Adam was at work, so Duane was the only one here with them. He reported that as he was fixing the windshield, Dad stated to Mom that he had to urinate. She asked whether he wanted to go inside or "do it here." Dad said he wanted to go "right here." Duane reported that he got out of the car, stood next to it facing away from the street, and proceeded to open up his zipper and urinate on my driveway!
When I confronted them about the incident later, dad said the only alternative was to wet himself on the seat. I reminded him that he often uses a urinal which he keeps in the car, and that he could wear the adult diapers he often uses at home, but that public urination was NOT an option.
In my opinion, it is an example to me of their diminishing ability to make sound judgments about their actions, and their diminishing awareness of what is appropriate public behavior. Back in May, Dad had another incident where he needed to urinate quickly while they were in teh car. What astounded me at the time was their loud and public (windows down n the parking lot at the Sprint store) of Dad needing to get his penis out and put it in the urinal. They both carried on this conversation loudly (I could hear it clearly from about 10 feet away.) Obviously these are normal functions, but they would never have been so blatantly unaware of their social setting in previous years.
When I confronted them about the incident later, dad said the only alternative was to wet himself on the seat. I reminded him that he often uses a urinal which he keeps in the car, and that he could wear the adult diapers he often uses at home, but that public urination was NOT an option.
In my opinion, it is an example to me of their diminishing ability to make sound judgments about their actions, and their diminishing awareness of what is appropriate public behavior. Back in May, Dad had another incident where he needed to urinate quickly while they were in teh car. What astounded me at the time was their loud and public (windows down n the parking lot at the Sprint store) of Dad needing to get his penis out and put it in the urinal. They both carried on this conversation loudly (I could hear it clearly from about 10 feet away.) Obviously these are normal functions, but they would never have been so blatantly unaware of their social setting in previous years.
The RV, The Apartment & "The Gift"
Suzanne came to town for a 6/29/09 job interview. On the way back to StL, she stopped at mom and dad's and overheard a phone conversation which mom had on the speakerphone. The RV dealer at Grain Valley was calling to say that the new RV they had ordered was progressing and that the man who was measuring the for the specialty wheelchair lift had been by that day, and did she know when she would be able to bring by the deposit? :0 Mom subsequently told Suzanne that they were moving into a 2 BR 2 Bath apt @ the Groves (a senior community in Independence connected with their church) in August. Suzanne later discovered that they had told the RV salesman that they had purchased a new minivan that morning and were leaving for Texas in 2 weeks to come visit Grandma Mattie. They told him (and, I discovered, the leasing agent @ the Groves) that this would all be paid for by a large settlement which they were expecting shortly! (There is no settlement to my knowledge.)
When confronted, they told us that the "settlement" was actually "The Gift." They've been telling us for over a year that God has promised to provide a huge financial blessing to them "which will trickle down to [us]and[our] children and will include a complete physical healing for Dad." They have set (and missed) several specific deadlines about when this gift would arrive.
I called Dr A to check with her re: her medical opinion of Dad's ability to ride to Texas in an RV driven by Mom. They and told me she had approved the trip. She denied that, and suggested that Mom was possibly exhibiting symptoms of manic behavior and suggested I get her into a psychiatrist. The next day, she called to report that they had revoked my medical power of attorney which authorized her to talk with me about their medical conditions. Mom says she went to see a psychiatric nurse practitioner, but I have no knowledge of how that visit went.
I investigated the option of gaining guardianship through the state, but was advised that until they did something really extreme, we couldn't force guardianship.
When confronted, they told us that the "settlement" was actually "The Gift." They've been telling us for over a year that God has promised to provide a huge financial blessing to them "which will trickle down to [us]and[our] children and will include a complete physical healing for Dad." They have set (and missed) several specific deadlines about when this gift would arrive.
I called Dr A to check with her re: her medical opinion of Dad's ability to ride to Texas in an RV driven by Mom. They and told me she had approved the trip. She denied that, and suggested that Mom was possibly exhibiting symptoms of manic behavior and suggested I get her into a psychiatrist. The next day, she called to report that they had revoked my medical power of attorney which authorized her to talk with me about their medical conditions. Mom says she went to see a psychiatric nurse practitioner, but I have no knowledge of how that visit went.
I investigated the option of gaining guardianship through the state, but was advised that until they did something really extreme, we couldn't force guardianship.
May trip to St. Louis
We all went to St Louis to celebrate Suzanne's 40th birthday. Duane and the kids and I drove over, and we sent Mom & Dad on the train, thinking that if we took their luggage, all they had to do was get on and off, and it would provide Dad more room to move around than riding in the van. The trip seemed to exhaust him and he was in his "zombie" state for the weekend. Suzanne needs to relate what happened while they were staying at her house.
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